Monday, January 30, 2006

A little deep...?

After sleeping for 10-11 hours, I'm finally up. I'm on the couch, under a blanket, surrounded by 6 dogs and a cat (I don't know where Captain is...he could be under the blanket!), with a cup of coffee and the TV on in the background. Captain just jumped up on the couch and is now laying on top of all the dogs under the blanket.

I guess I'm in a reflective mood as I'm thinking of obscure, but somewhat deep things. I'm not sure if this is going to make any sense, as my thoughts aren't following a direct path, they're just popping out as they happen. I also don't know where they're coming from but that's usually how it happens. So, here goes nothing! (what the heck does that saying mean anyway?)

People evolve over time. Nobody is the same person they were even 5 years ago. There are a number of factors that could change a person; experience, people, learning, etc., etc. What I wonder is, if anyone can recognize that these instances are the reason why they change. Can anyone look back at one particular person and pinpoint what took place that made them think or act differently? Or how about a situation? Does it have to be a special situation where something exciting or dramatic happens? Could it just be a regular Friday night out with friends? Is it all experiences that alter a person's way of thinking or just the memorable, crappy, or exciting ones? Do feelings need to be involved for a change to happen? Again, is it just the extreme feelings or could the simple boredom of a lazy Saturday afternoon start the process of change?

Personally, I think it's all of those plus things I haven't yet thought of. I think our.... soul, for lack of a better word, is shaped and altered with every moment of our lives. The difficulty lies in recognizing each factor behind the change. Sure, some things are easier to pinpoint than others. For example, because of that really crappy situation with the Cement Co. truck, I *always* get nervous and look in the rearview mirror if traffic stops short. That's easy. I know why I do it and I know the cause behind it. It becomes much harder when you try to figure out the benign stuff. Walking down the street and you pass a person, does that effect change? Normally you probably wouldn't pay attention to that person unless something jumped out at you about them. But if absolutely nothing memorable happens and you barely notice the person at all, how does that affect you? I have to think that in some subconscious way it does, but I couldn't begin to guess how.

Even thinking back to the people that have been in my life, I'm not sure what change happened specifically because of them. But I have changed, so..... Life happens so quickly, I also wonder if it's even possible to notice the small stuff anymore. I also wonder if it's important to do so - if we're missing out on this great learning experience. Or if that's how things are supposed to happen because otherwise, we'd be too intent on analyzing all of the small stuff instead of living life.

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. Sometimes it does, and other times it's overwhelming. I'm also not sure if there's an answer, or if these thoughts are just the result of a dream I can't remember. There's a certain beauty in the unknown, but it can be frustrating at times. Is that where the saying "c'est la vie" comes from? Is it there as a way for people to stop thinking and just move on?

I don't know about you, but it makes me think....


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