Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I am strong...

...but there are certainly times when it is near impossible for me to continue being strong.

There are times when I just want to throw in the towel. When I want to stay in bed watching every sad movie I own, crying the day away.

It is absolutely amazing to me that my feelings can change so drastically in such a short period of time. From the happiness and huge sense of fulfillment from being at camp all weekend to utter despair because of a family thing.

I'm always the strong one - always have been and always will be. In times of crisis I can shoulder my load and then some. Maybe that's why Jo has a hard time reading me - something to ponder another day.

There are times though when I don't want to be strong. When I don't want to take on the world and prove everybody wrong. There are times when I need to cry myself to sleep just like everybody else at some point in their life.

This is one of those times.

I can't go into details yet, but I will soon enough. Suffice it to say I am absolutely miserable and tonight I will cry myself to sleep without watching a sad movie.

I don't want to be strong right now. I just want to cry. I want to be held and comforted. I want to hide. I am strong, but I don't want to be right now. I'm throwing in the towel, hoisting the white flag, surrendering to my feelings.

Tomorrow, I will be strong. Tonight, I will cry.


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