Thursday, August 21, 2008

healing and time...


I was driving to my aunt's house last night when I thought of Skootchie. She's been on my mind lately because Tweak will occasionally do something to remind me of her. Also, I've messed up and called her Skootchie a few times. While thinking of her last night, I started crying. I miss her so much even though it's going on 2 years that she's been gone.

Does your heart really ever heal? Does time really heal old wounds or just make them pop up less frequently?

I wish everyone in the world had the chance to meet her. She was a zany little thing with a bright personality. She wasn't perfect but then again, that's what real love is, right? Loving someone or something despite their imperfections and quirks. I'd give my right leg to have her back, even if it was just to drive me up the wall.

People come and go in our lives. Sometimes it's sad, sometimes it's just losing touch over time, sometimes it's over something stupid, and sometimes it's a really, really good thing. I know that dogs will come and go too, darn that shorter life span. But I wasn't ready for her to go. I still had years I wanted to spend with her, things I wanted to teach her, places I wanted to take her. I think she would've liked going to Canada and camping. I know she would've liked doing all the tricks demos for kids, she was a pro. I wasn't done having her in my life and I'm still sad that she's not.

I don't think time heals all wounds. I think some wounds are too deep to be healed. I also think any parent that lost a child would agree with me there. I think life just keeps going and forces you to think of other things. I can see why, I'd hate to walk around crying all the time because she's not with me. But I definitely wouldn't say I'm healed.

D

2 comments:

Kim B said...

“Does your heart really ever heal? Does time really heal old wounds or just make them pop up less frequently? I don't think time heals all wounds. I think some wounds are too deep to be healed. I also think any parent that lost a child would agree with me there. I think life just keeps going and forces you to think of other things. I can see why, I'd hate to walk around crying all the time because she's not with me. But I definitely wouldn't say I'm healed.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You nailed it perfectly, Dawn - There’s just some things that time cannot heal. You don’t ever get over it ~ You just learn to live with it. I lost my 2 older brothers a week apart when I was 15 years old, and I still cry every spring, every birthday, and ever time I remember where I was then, and where I’d be without them. Sometimes it comes back so sharply, the pain is so fresh, that it’s like it happened yesterday . . . and time has dulled the frequency, but not the intensity, of that grief.

When Joey died, it was different – He was so little, and I was SO in love with that child. When he died I absolutely lost my shit. He’d fought so hard, and deserved so much more than he got. It’s been 3 years, and I don’t expect that to ever heal, and though time marches on & life keeps you busy, the pain remains and you eventually learn to walk around, and just live with it.

What you hang onto is that even thought the grief and pain sucks, that knowing them and having them in your life was worth it, and that you’re not sorry, and would do it all again if you could.

Grief is grief – Whether it’s a dog or a person, you loved Skootchie very much, she left you far too soon, and I miss her too, Red.

Dawn said...

I know you know how I feel, having gone through soooo much in your own life.

I know we have to have the bad to appreciate the good, but boy does it suck sometimes!