Friday, June 16, 2006

off balance

Now that things have somewhat gone back to normal for me, I find myself completely off balance.

Balance is key for me, and I'm not even sure I'll be able to explain it well. I would guess different people would have different definitions, but for me, it's an internal synergy between my physical state, my emotional state, and my psychological state (there is a difference between emotional state and psychological state - think spiritual and mental.)

Usually if I'm off kilter, it's by a tiny bit - something that a couple of hours reading a book on the deck or taking Millie for a walk in a park (with plenty of bug spray on her and I) will fix. This time though, I think I depleted myself far past the point where I normally abuse myself. :)

Usually I can feel any small changes to my balance and can correct them before they become to huge. I think the stress of the flood, the anxiety of not knowing what was happening at my house for almost a week, and the strength needed to hold it all together and rebuild was really just too much.

Things are back to normal as far as going to work, coming home and cleaning (Ha! like I do that ;) ), doing errands, etc. But there are still calls that need to be made about the house, still bills to pay that have way too many digits before the decimal point, still stuff to replace, still bags to drag out of the basement, still landscaping to correct...too many stills. :)

I think I can eventually get balanced again, it'll just take time. But, things are starting to head that way - I'm (fingers crossed) getting my car back today (exactly one month after the flood), I got my lawn mower and tractor back yesterday (the trimmer wasn't salvageable), and the repair place is swinging by today with a new trimmer for me. I was so happy to get the tractor back, I mowed the back yard as soon as I got it. :)

I'm heading down to Ellin's this weekend to spend some time and drop off her birthday gifts. Being with her, in her house, is a very zen place for me - a ton of natural wood inside, lots of trees and bushes outside, good conversation, and, of course, her and her family - who are very balanced and don't mind when I suck the balance off of them. :)

So, in the meantime, if my posts are very selfish and are all about me relaxing instead of working hard, it's because I'm on the search for my balance and I won't stop until I have it back again. :)


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