sad day

Well, today is the day. That thing that had/has me all bummed out? My grandfather needs to go into a nursing home.

I am, like with everything else, split on how I feel about this. I see both sides and it doesn't much matter in this case.

On one hand I understand that my family is no longer able to fulfill all of his needs. I get that and I don't blame anyone for not being able to. A nursing home is just the place for those high maintenance old people - they have 24 hour care and nursing staff on site. Those things make a huge difference and he desperately needs them. I totally understand that.

On the other hand, it's still quite depressing to see how frail my once strong grandfather has become. I'm afraid he's going to hate being separated from his family. I'm afraid he's going to feel abandoned. I'm afraid he's not going to be visited as much as he'll need to be. I'm afraid he's going to die alone, without his family surrounding him like it should be.

Of course that's assuming he will still have moments of clarity while there. I think he will. He might not remember what he ate 1/2 hour ago but he remembers me. He remembers to ask how the dogs are doing and how school is going.

It's really not that bad a situation and I probably shouldn't be emotionally troubled by it. It happens all the time. I wonder if it's in the same ballpark as survivor guilt. I'll have to ask Susan, she'll know.

This afternoon I'm heading over my grandparents to spend time with them before the transition. I'm hoping it goes well. I'm hoping there aren't any issues. I'm hoping my grandmother will be able to handle it. I'm hoping I won't break down while trying to be strong for my family.

I'm probably going to hibernate with the kids tonight. I'm probably not going to answer the phone or text messages so don't bother trying.

D