question...

Umm...aren't the geese supposed to be gone right now? Gone as in "fly south for the winter" kind of gone?

Are we south and what I'm seeing is Canadian geese? Is it that much warmer down here than it is in Canada?

Did el nino screw up more than just my poor flowers and now the geese don't know where they should be??

Somebody should tell the gaggle that was here that they need to keep going.

Just an observation.

D

Hump day

Today is Wednesday.

I was up late doing homework last night.

My hairdresser is on vacation and I need to get my hair done.

Mag is on her way to New Jersey right now to spend the day with Vince & Nancy.

I'm quite jealous of that.

The dogs smell like corn chips when sleeping.

Tenille likes to walk along the back of the couch and do happy-feet in my hair.

Today is random thought day.

My observation yesterday was of myself being an absolute idiot.

I've been a non-smoker for 19 days.

I cheated 8 times within those 19 days.

I have lunch with the boys today.

I might have drinks with the boys after work.

Beer is good.

Dark beer is even better.

I still have to return my old Tivo. (shit)

My favorite body wash & cream is Satsuma from the Body Shop.

I belly laughed in work yesterday over a joke.

I talked my co-worker into teaching a class she wasn't sure she was qualified for.

It turns out she was.

She'd be dangerous with my confidence.

I have to shower now.

D

stupid thing for the day

I'm not going to limit it to one, because I'm sure I'll do quite a few more as the day progresses. But I'm only going to tell you about one. :)

So I was taking out the recycling this morning - one bin full of glass and plastic and 3 boxes of paper stuff, which equaled 4 trips to the curb in total. I got in my car, started to head to work, and at a stop light decided to pull out my phone so I could charge it. Except, I couldn't find my phone. Wait, where's my purse? Shit.

I turn around, head back home, run into the house, scare the shit out of Millie (I think she's losing her hearing), and frantically search for my purse. Can you say, nowhere to be found? Shit! I check every room in the house, including the bathroom, just in case. Nothing. Mind you, I put it down in the same place everyday. On the kitchen table. Check the sink - nope. Check the dog's crates - nope. Tell them to knock if off because now they're going ape shit. SHIT!

I run back out to the car. Check the seat. Nope. Check under the seat. Nope, Check the back seats. Nope. Open all the doors. Nope. Check the way back seat. Nope. Check under the way back seat. Nope. Check the way-way back. Nope. Fuck!!!

And then I see it. Sitting ever so prettily on top of the recycling bin. Open to the world, cell phone inside. Pick a god, I was thanking them all. Apparently I had my purse on my arm at some point during one or more of those trips and perhaps I didn't feel like carrying it anymore. Dunno. I'm not that big a fan of purses anyway, maybe my subconscious was trying to help me out.

Anyway, that's my stupid thing for the day - so far.

D

life

If you could have whatever your little heart desired, what would it be?

Such a loaded question, huh? I'm trying to decide what my answer is. I just don't know.

I'm (surprise) running late this morning so it'll be short and sweet. Just the highlights - no rants or observations. Oh yeah, I was supposed to write about an observation every day! I totally forgot about that. Well, one thing I observed last night is that Millie is the perfect size for spooning. :)

In no particular order:

- work was busy - I had no idea where the time went;

- I caught up with about half of my homework last night - tonight will be far, far worse;

- Kim's dog, Beanie, has Lymes;

- I spoke to the lawyer 4 times yesterday, she's still waiting for some rating from the back dr. - I have to call and bug him today;

- I got permission from the foot dr. to ride my bike - without the boot(!) yesterday;

- I read my school book while exercising on the bike when I got home;

- Mag will be here in 2 days;

- She'll look forward to leaving once she finds out what our plans are - talk about busy;

- I'm not having or remembering any more crazy dreams even though I've had the patch on at night;

- it's cold out;

- I'm late.

D

where did the time go...

I have no idea where tonight went. It's 9pm, almost bed time, and I have no idea what happened to the evening. Just one of those days I guess.... I broke 2 more nails (couldn't tell you how) - I knew I should've cut them all down. So, I cut them all down. I just won't touch anything for the next couple of days. :) Typing is so weird!

So I had flyball practice this morning - that went well. Then it was off to Dad's to meet with the accountant (he makes house calls) to get my taxes done. Thankfully I'm getting a refund! I wasn't sure with the whole flood thing. After that, it was off to Redbones for lunch.

Man, it's hard getting that many people together in such a small place! I think after all was said and done there were 21 of us. Oh, and there are pictures. :) Don't forget to read the comments. ;) Be forewarned, there are a freakin' billion of Mario - he likes self portraits. Apparently. We had fun, as if you couldn't tell. :)

Oh wow. Look at the time....

G'night!

D

Good Morning...

I broke a nail yesterday and it hurts like a bastard today. I really don't care about the nail - I'm not all girly about them. They're there, or they aren't. But I'm not keen on the pain. :)

It's flurrying as I type. I'm on the couch with the laptop, under a blanket, watching Biography. Freddie and Pacie are under the blanket with me, with Tenille lying on top of the blanket, on top of the boys. Next to them is Millie, and Captain is on the back of the couch above her. I have a cup of tea and a couple of books on the table next to me. A fireplace would make this an ideal scene, but it's pretty damn cool without it too. :)

The Biography show is about Dolly Parton and is very interesting. I usually stumble across the show and thoroughly enjoy it regardless if I know or like who it's about.

My co-worker Jason (one of my lunch guys) and I went to the Fish for a beer after work. We saw Pete, Mario's boss, and an old friend, Jason there. We had a great time chatting and relaxing after a long week of work. A good way to end the week. :)

I got home, let the dogs out, played with them, fed them, and then went food shopping. It's been a loooong time so I needed just about everything. It'll be good to have fresh food in the house again!

I'm lounging for now, but will get into homework once Biography ends. I have to make a couple of side dishes for the meeting tonight, which I'll do just before leaving. I'm hoping it's not going to be a crazy long meeting. But, I guess it doesn't much matter since Cathy isn't up for the show anyway.

I have to get all of my tax stuff together today too. I'm hoping it won't take all that long, but I'm not holding my breath. ;) I have to meet with the tax guy after flyball practice tomorrow. Fingers crossed, fingers crossed, fingers crossed!!! The flood is going to impact my taxes big time, but I'm not sure how. I have to find that book I got from the government.

All in all it's pretty tame - not as busy as it was going to be, which isn't a bad thing at all. :) I'm looking forward to Redbones tomorrow! If you're in the area and feel like joining us, feel free. We're a fun bunch of people. :)

I'm gonna go make me some vittles. :)

D

Mag's in the states!

I got an IM late last night from Mag saying she made it to Vegas. Woohoo! Less than a week and she'll be up here. I can't wait! Maybe I should plan a dinner...hmmm. I'll think on it.

So yesterday flew by. I've been analyzing web statistics for the last 2 days and my eyes cross just thinking about what more there is to do. I went to Flatbreads with the guys - had a good time there. Stopped by Barnes & Noble to pick up a book (honestly, just one) and then hit the bank to make a deposit. Back to work until 6 or so and then met Mario for a beer at Flatbreads. Left there around 7'ish and got home in time to meet the people for the credenza. They liked it, paid my asking price, and loaded it up into their van. By then it was around 8:30-9'ish. I checked my mail, checked my school boards, played with the dogs, watched an episode of CSI Miami, and cuddled with the pups under a blanket. Then it was time for bed!

I just realized that I have to get some real food in me today. Yesterday consisted of nothing by tea, beer, and pizza. :-p I think the Border Cafe is now open down the street - maybe I'll head there and get a salad with Blackened Salmon. Yum!

Anyway, this weekend is packed. I plan on getting some schoolwork done tonight as I won't have a ton of time over the weekend to do it. Tomorrow I have a flyball meeting and then Cathy & I are supposed to head over to see a show at the Middle East. She's been real busy lately and has something to do for work on Sunday so I'm not sure if she's still up for it. I'll find out today. Sunday I think there's practice, then I'm meeting with the tax guy, then it's off to Redbones for brunch with Glen, Elissa, Mario, Jonah, and a bunch of other people. Should be fun!

Mag is flying in on Thursday - I'm picking her up at Logan. I know we have dinner plans with my Dad at some point... I'll have to shore those up. I know Kim & Cathy wanted to get together with her while she was here. We'll see what happens - we want to have a fair amount of relaxing time too!!


Oh, and after yesterday's commute home, I'd like to amend my earlier curse to Volvo station wagon drivers and just lump *all* Volvo drivers together. We need to give them their own highways so the rest of us can stay sane. And if you drive a Volvo? Please evaluate your driving and adjust accordingly. Believe it or not, the rest of us are in this world too so if you could get your head out of your ass and be aware of that while driving, the streets of the world would be a much nicer, and safer place.


Cheers.

D

disappointed

I'm disappointed that I didn't receive one comment or email from anyone yesterday! A simple hello would've sufficed. :) Ah well. That's the thing about anonymity - nobody wants to give it up. :)

I had no trouble falling asleep last night, surprisingly enough. I did have some crazy dreams, but I can't remember them as well as the others. When I bought patches the other day, I bought the clear Nicoderm ones instead of the CVS brand that I had before. I'm thinking that might have something to do with it. The cheaper the patches, the better the dreams. But, the name brand patches work better on the cravings - I think I only caught myself wanting one twice yesterday. *Huge* improvement and I'll take that over dreams any day.

I have noticed though that I haven't felt all that refreshed in the morning. I think it's time to take the patches off at night so I can get better sleep. :) Since morning isn't the best time to talk to me anyway, I'd just recommend *really* making sure you don't need to call me first thing for the next week or so. ;)

Today is lunch with the boys, perhaps a beer or two with Mario after work, then home to meet someone for the credenza. The first people who saw it came back last night to look at it again. They offered $50 less than I'm asking for it so we'll see what tonight's people do. I guess I should really get all the crap out of it, huh? lol

Silvane is here today. I think in the short time I've been typing (I'm a pretty fast touch typist), she's completed the bedroom. Sweet. :) But, I have to get in the shower so she can do that after the office so it's time to go!

D

now I know...

I woke up exhausted this morning and had no idea why.

My back was *killing* me today and had no idea why.

I was a raving psycho (really, that's putting it mildly) during my commute this morning and had no idea why.

(That's not actually true. 3 separate Volvo drivers significantly contributed to my being the new Shannon Doherty of the road.)

I got home, was a good girl and ate my salad for dinner, and then was like a crack addict wanting a fix but substitute crack for chocolate. I don't even like chocolate, but apparently my body wasn't aware of that fact this evening.

Now I know why.

After drinking 3 cups of hot cocoa, I'm sure fallling asleep will be a breeze.

Yeah. Right.

D

plans

Talked to Sue, who reminded me what the plans for tonight were - the movies with the girls. I'm going to pass though - Dream Girls isn't my cup of tea. Leland however...... :) What is it about bad boys anyway?

Oh, and after a hellish commute, I'd like to take the opportunity to state unequivocally that all Volvo drivers should be banned from highways around the world for eternity.

Thank you drive through.

D

bloggedy blog

Vet appt: Millie needs to see a chiropractor for her back. I need to do some deep tissue massage on a few muscles along her spine that are way too tight. I also have to start her on glucosamine, no big deal. She is getting older so that's to be expected. Otherwise she's doing very well. Freddie and Pacie had more blood work done - I'm waiting for the results. They're back on low-protein food for the time being and have started round two of their antibiotics. They, as well, are otherwise doing well.

Midterm: I aced it. Perfect score. I get myself so worked up about these things and then they turn out to be easy. But, is it because it was easy from the get-go or because I get worked up and study feverishly? Chicken and the egg - who knows.

I was falling asleep on the couch at 9pm last night. I *never* fall asleep on the couch. At least not without the intention of taking a nap or something. It's just not my thing. So I was in bed early and woke up late this morning. Not sure what's going on there.

I had a few dreams last night, but I only vaguely remember them. Not even worth reporting what I do remember. Bummer. Musta been because I was so tired.

I think I have something to do tonight, but I can't for the life of me remember what it is. Hopefully it's on my Outlook calendar. Or someone calls to see if we're still on. Or I remember. Otherwise I don't think I'll be doing anything tonight. :)

Tomorrow I'll probably grab a beer with Mario after work. I have to be home around 7:30pm as people are coming to look at (and hopefully take) the credenza. Maybe I'll get started on homework for next week. Probably not - I have a couple of weeks of Dog the Bounty Hunter to get caught up on and staring at Leland all night is far more attractive than sticking my nose in a book. :)

I wish I could hear what was up in your life. I sit here and blab all the time but never get to find out about who reads this (except for Paula, and Kim, and my sister.) Why not leave a comment or send me an email? Inquiring minds want to know!!

Ugh. Work. Again.

Oh! I forgot to tell you about "Happy Lunch" yesterday! My boss has decided that we need to go back to doing fun stuff together, like we did years ago. So once a month we have "Happy Lunch". I shit you not. We are supposed to leave the building and grab lunch, talk about stuff other than work, and socialize with each other in a non-work environment. Yesterday was the first "Happy Lunch", but I'm not convinced that will continue to be the name I use to reference it. Nah, I'm exaggerating. It wasn't all that bad, just a little uncomfortable here and there. We talked about work stuff. Then we talked about cats. Yeah, that was about it. Fun and exciting times and it only cost me 15 bucks. Woohoo. Can't wait for the next!

D

boring night

All I did was homework, that was it. Got the exercises I needed to, done and did the practice exam 16 times. Looks like I have a bit more learnin' to do. :) I was up until midnight and tonight looks to be the same since I have a mid-term.

I had some more odd dreams last night. I bought a house my parents used to live in. My Dad was still living there, although I had no idea where he was going. Couldn't tell you where my Mother was, but her shoes were there. It was an older house and it had some incredible woodwork throughout the place. I was thinking once I got the 40 years of paint off, it'd be gorgeous. The dryer was in room separate from the washer, lying on it's side because it was too tall. I know, weird.

Then it switched to me helping a co-worker and his girlfriend commit fraud. I dunno. I just report the dreams. Anyway, he had a really old book on maps and it was worth a mint so they staged a theft. I really didn't do anything actually ('cuz I'm a good girl), it was all them. I did, however, point out that there wasn't an accurate void in the dust to say where it was taken from. That and the police would never believe them because there were also 2 jewelry boxes in the same closet it was supposed to have been. Clearly I need to cut back on my CSI intake.

After that, I was with a couple of friends building furniture. They were having a party and needed to finish them up quickly so I was helping. For some reason, Sue was there, but not her wife Lisa, and Kim was there, but not her girlfriend Heidi. (I have a group of all gay friends, I'm usually the token straight kid when we're all together) Anyway, Kim doesn't know a lot about that kind of stuff so it was comical to see her try and help. Then it was time for the party. Within seconds everyone showed up and I realized I knew 90% of the people. Friends that I knew were gay, but didn't know they knew my friends. Again, I was the token straight kid, which never bothered me (nor does it in real life.)

That was it. Nothing too out-there. I have to buy more patches today so maybe there will be better ones tonight. That is one good side effect of these things - gives me something to look forward to because I don't often remember dreams otherwise.

I haven't been completely honest on here. I've cheated on the smoking thing a couple of times more than I reported. Not a ton, really just a couple. I'm embarrassed that I don't have the personal strength to not give in when I'm alone. But, I'm not giving up. Next week Mag will be here from Australia so she can police me. :)

I have a half day at work today. I need to take all of the kids back to the vet for bloodwork and follow-ups. They all completed their medication on Sunday so now it's on to round two. I think my morning is filled with meetings as well, which means I'll get nothing done. I hate meetings. They're such a waste of time.

I got an offer on the credenza, but I've already made other arrangements with another couple to come and look at it on Thursday. Hopefully it will be gone soon. :)

Ok, I gotta jet.

D

picture

I haven't posted a picture in a while...

Here's one of me and my friend's kid. The sad part is, that's the happiest he looks out of all the pics. Others are not as pleasant. :) Cute kid tho' huh?

I'll still stick with dogs. :)


D

dreams...

So, I did both last night, some homework and watched the game. Of course now I wish I hadn't seen the game. Actually, it really was an incredible comeback - just not the outcome I was looking for. This isn't a sports blog so I'm not going to pretend to know what went wrong. I will say that the last Colts touchdown looked like a waltz instead of a defense. Did he struggle *at all* to get over that line? Didn't look it to me. I won't even go into the interception. Ugh.

By the way, taking practice exams while watching the playoffs - *Not* a good idea. I think I failed 3 of them before I said screw it and concentrated on the game. I really hope that's not an indication of what the mid-term results will be. ;-p

Anyway, I didn't get much homework done, which means that's *all* I'll be doing tonight. No TV for me young lady. Only 3 weeks left of this class. I'm not feeling particularly challenged right now so I'm not all that excited about it. Hopefully the next class will be better. Or this one will get harder. Whatever.

I've been wearing the patch more these days. It seems I can go 3 days or so before I give in to the temptation of smoking and cheat. So, now I just wear the patch 24/7. What I really need is someone to answer to - not myself. I need someone here saying 'you smoked today, didn't you' or 'good job on not smoking today'. You can justify anything to yourself so when it's just you doing the policing, well... that just doesn't work for me. :) But, it'll have to do! So, now I wear the patch 24/7. :)

One of the great side effects of the patch is the dreams it causes. I remember them more when I have it on and let me tell you, they're a little.... odd. :) The other night I dreamed of an old high school friend that I haven't seen in years. He found me in a tree stump. I don't know what I was doing in a tree stump, that's just where I was. I didn't need saving, I was just hanging around and he didn't think I needed saving, he just started talking to me like it's completely normal to come across a friend you haven't seen in 17 years sitting inside a tree stump. Yeah, that kind of odd.

When I went to bed last night, I concentrated on one or two things hoping I could direct the dreams. I laid there for about an hour and a half wondering why I wasn't falling asleep. Then I remembered the 12+ hours of sleep I got the night before. And the 48 cups of tea I had during the day. Duh. Anyway, there were a couple of different dreams, but I can only remember a few things from each.

In one of them, I was driving somewhere and I saw that a burned house on the side of the road (with these dreams it could've been *in* the road so I thought I'd clarify.) I stopped to look at the house and started walking around where the house had been. There were no floors or walls - they had been burned away completely. There were 4 charred posts and half of a jagged roof. In the dream I think I knew who had lived there before and so was bothered by the fire. I think I found something that belonged to said person and took it so I could give it to him/her when I saw them next.

In the next dream, I was at work. I was sick or tired and had driven into work at 5am or so. My office mate found me when she came in. I was sleeping with my head on the desk, wrapped in a towel. Apparently I hadn't bothered to brush or dry my hair. We had to go to a work function but I couldn't tell you what for. I went in my towel, sat down at a table in a corner, and put my head down. I remember being woken up by people looking to see if the seats around me were taken. By the time I woke up and stayed awake (in the dream), someone had taken my seat, I was kneeling on the floor with my head on the table, and I was surrounded by people I didn't know. I remember someone smoking near me and I was pissed because it was a non-smoking section so I got up and left. Me and my towel, still wrapped around my head.

The next thing I can remember, I was walking through what looked to be a high scale mall, but knew it to be my office building. I was trying to get back to my office when I went down a corridor. It changed from carpeting and sage green walls to rustic, rough, white marble on the floor and walls. It led me down into a bathroom that was beyond gorgeous (I should really sketch it out - I can't believe I could dream up something so beautiful) and quite clearly not for women.... or heterosexual men. The men there were agitated because there was a blue skunk in there with them. I apologized, and made the sound I used to make for Skootchie - a pssst sound - then turned around and left with the blue skunk prancing after me. Me, my towel, and my blue skunk.

I was going to head back to my office and feed my little friend when he (and I'm sure the blue skunk was a he) darted off into a restaurant. It wasn't the cafe, it was a restaurant. Apparently I work in an up-scale office building in my dreams. So I went in and called to him. I couldn't see him but knew he had found a female skunk and was, umm, busy. :) Before I left, I saw a guy that was sitting at a bar facing me. There was a baby skunklet (the regular old black and white kind) on the floor which he picked up. He had it right in front of his face and it farted, which started smelling up the place with that skunk smell. Everyone in the restaurant groaned and he put the skunk in his mouth sideways to hold it. The little skunklet was content to just lie there with half of him (yes, I'm sure that one was a he too) sticking out of the guys mouth. Apparently that's just what they do when a skunk farts on you. Those crazy kids. When I was leaving my buddy the blue skunk came prancing out from behind the bar the man was sitting at and we left, his steps being a little more spry than before. Me, my towel, and my blue skunk.

And that's all I can remember. I'm not sure what any of that means, or what it says about my subconscious mind. If any of you are psychologists, please feel free to let me know just how demented I am. Twisted stuff, huh?

And now I'm off to work, without my towel nor my buddy, the blue skunk.

D

waste of a weekend...

So Dawn, what did you do all weekend?, you might ask.

Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Nothing.

I left the house once on Saturday to get coffee in the morning. Other than that, I was home.

I will admit that I wasn't feeling all that great. I don't feel sick, or like I'm coming down with something, I just felt... unwell, I guess. I still do.

Cathy and I had tentative plans to go see Mario's band Sat. night but that got cancelled. She called and wasn't feeling very motivated to go out in the cold. Since I was pretty blah, I was ok with that. Instead, I watched all 3 Lord of the Rings movies back to back. :) I popped some corn and got a good fill of Orlando Bloom with long hair (oh my.) and Viggo Mortenson (yet again, oh my.) Before that I had a CSI: Miami'athon. Damn do I love Tivo. :) I can't say it was *that* bad a day. ;-p

I woke up this morning around 7am, contemplated going to flyball practice for a minute, then rolled over and went back to bed. I slept until 10:30am, which is *un-heard* of for me so I guess something is going on. I usually drink a lot of tea in the winter anyway, but yesterday and today I've been drinking about triple what I normally do. Shortly I'll break out the alcohol and have a hot toddy or two or five. :) *That'll* make me feel better!

Anyway, since I lazed around most of yesterday, I felt the need to *do* something today. So, guess what I did!

No, guess!

Nope. Guess again!

Oh alright. It's not like I can hear you guessing anyway. I took down the Christmas tree! I swear, I really did. I also packed up the Christmas village and got everything downstairs. It was interesting with the boot on, but I got it done. It did, however, make me realize that banisters aren't such a bad idea. :) The living room seems so much bigger now.

I have a credenza in the living room that I added to Craigslist today too. I don't really use it other than to hide stuff I don't have a place for and display pictures, so I don't really need it. I'd kinda like the space back and I'll be demo'ing the wall behind it come spring so... it's for sale. :)

I played around with my myspace layout this morning, figured I'd change the style, colors, etc., but decided to revert it back. I just really don't care all that much. :) Plus, I hate it when other people change the layout and it's hard to read so I scrapped the idea. I saved the code tho', just in case. ;)

I'm debating between doing homework and watching the game tonight. I could probably do both, depending on how exciting it is. We'll see.

That's about it for me kiddies.

Same bat time, same bat channel!

D

quickie...

I blabbed so much yesterday I don't have much to say!

It snowed last night. It was that good snowman-making kind of snow - the stuff that sticks together really well. I stood outside enjoying the prettiness of it all and thinking. No shock there, I know. I'm not sure why this is, but all of the dogs like to catch snowballs. Not huge things that you'd have a fight with, just small ones they can chew on. So I started throwing snow at them all, which they thoroughly enjoyed. Freddie & Pacie didn't even start fighting! It was a good way to end that night. :)

I have lunch with the fellas today. We'll probably go to Flatbreads like we always do. It's a good thing they have good beer. :)

I'm babysitting TJ tonight. Holly and Rob are going to drop him off so they can see the BU hockey game. I was only going to do homework tonight so it matters not if there's a sleeping child next to me while I do it. :)

I cheated last night - I had a smoke. I didn't have a pack though, so I'll just call it a hiccup and move on. I'm better today anyway. :)

TGIF dude.

D

I cried tonight

Yup. I cried tonight.

I was watching CSI Miami, the one where Speed dies, and I cried. I've seen it before. It wasn't the episode that made me cry though. Ok, a little bit, but not really. I mean, it's sad and all - Speed was a great character and not bad on the eyes. :) But that's not really what made me cry.

I've had some stuff going on and it just came to a head tonight. I can't say what or why or give details although I wish I could. If I could shut my brain off, I wouldn't be so bad. But I can over-think a situation well past the time it should be dead and buried. A known downfall of dear old me. :)

So.

What do you do when you want something you can't have?

Nothing. Not one damn thing.

I'm sure everyone goes through something like this at least once in their life. It's normal. I know it. But boy does it *suck* when it happens to you. Sucks hard core.

Everyone wants to be wanted - to be a part of something. Accepted and loved for who they are, without condition. To feel like they're a part of something greater, preferably something good, but that depends on the person. :)

And when you can't get what you want?

I don't know. I'm trying to figure that out now. It'll be interesting, that's for damn sure.

I'm sure I'll get over it. I'm resilient. Adaptable. I've been through far worse in my life and will probably need to deal with far worse in the future.

When all is said and done, Ill be fine. Like always.

But boy does it soooo suck to want what you can't have.

Ok, I'll put on my big girl panties and get over it.

It just might not happen tonight. I haven't had a good pity party in a while - not since the flood.

I'll just cry it all out tonight.

D

......

"The life you are meant to find will wring your heart to the point of breaking and then douse you with buckets of joy when you're not looking." - Linford Deweiler

Holy shit. I can't *wait* for that to happen....

freakin' moron...

Guess who realized the living room window has been open? That would be me. It's 12 degrees out and I've been wondering why it's been so chilly in the house like an asshole. Seriously, sometimes I shouldn't be in charge of a string of lights, nevermind a life. Moron.

Yesterday was an ok day - got a lot of work done, had lunch with a friend, only had a couple of meetings - nothing spectacular or horrifying - good deal. I left work real late as I had to make up time for the 45 minutes I sat on Rt 3 in the AM. That was fun. Maybe next time I'll get a colonoscopy instead.

Hmmm...maybe this not-smoking thing isn't going as well as I think. I appear to be a little on the cynical side today....

Anyway, I got home late and dug into homework like a good girl. I didn't even turn on the TV! I spent 5 hours getting everything done, then took an online quiz 6 times trying to get the best score. By 12:30 my eyes were about glued shut. This week, I won't spend more time celebrating my birthday than anything else. Although work looks like it's gearing up to kick me in the ass soon so I might want to pre-plan for that. I dunno. Probably not. Who the hell cares?

I think the quitting-smoking thing has affected that little switch in my head that says "It may not be in your best interest to curse like a truck driver right now..." I've had to backtrack and erase 11 f-bombs. Wait. It's my blog. I can do what I want! AND I quit smoking so a certain amount of craziness is absolutely understandable! Heh.

Ok you little kiddies, I've just justified cursing in my blog to myself so no-holds-barred from now on. If you're sensitive about that stuff, you may want to unsubscribe. >: p

Fuck this. I have to get to work.

D

another day...

Of course I'm all screwed up and have no idea what day it is. I love 4 day weeks but man do they screw with my sense of time.

Yesterday was a productive day - not. I meant to focus on this one particular project I'm working on but forgot that my professional & development goals were due for this year. Heck it's only the 2nd quarter, why the rush? :-p Anyway, I spent all day writing lots of bullshit for the major projects I've been assigned for the year. And y'all know how much I like that crap. Ugh.

Anyway, I got them done and left work to let the kids out before heading out to meet my family at the Border Cafe for dinner. Traffic wasn't the greatest and it was snowing. That put me about 1/2 hour late. So I drove like a maniac to the restaurant where we all had a bunch of laughs. :) I love my birthday, but I'm about done with celebrating it. :)

The quitting smoking thing is going exceptionally well. I'm actually kinda scared at just how well it's going to tell you the truth. I'm waiting for the big relapse moment or something. I haven't been overly cranky or bitchy but I have been pretty dizzy. Clearly my body isn't used to getting this much oxygen! But, I'm also using the patch when it starts to get bad so that helps. I just have to cut back on the nights of drinking and debauchery as those *really* don't help!

On the home front, the desk is a sheet of freakin' ice with this cold rainy/snowy weather. I had to take the trash out this morning and you would've thought bigfoot was doing it I was so bundled up. It's 6 freakin' degrees out! I guess it's back to letting the car warm up every morning. The dogs aren't happy with the ice thing and nothing I've put down has helped. I will admit that it's kinda funny to watch them try and gingerly walk out there - they're so much like cartoon characters with their feet going sideways and not getting anywhere. :)

And I *still* need to take the freakin' christmas tree down! :-P

Off to work...

D

recovered....kinda

Hmmmm...where to start.

Let's see. Friday I learned that my friend Mario works (literally) around the corner from me. So we met up at the Naked Fish after work to have a beer. I think I got home around 11 or 12. :) His boss, Pete, was there and we ended up talking the night away. It helped that Pete was shitfaced and a freakin' riot! I have a picture of Pete with a pirate patch on holding a sheep toy. Don't ask. You *really* had to be there!

Saturday I picked up a bit, which wasn't much since Silvane was there on Thursday. My Dad, Betsy, Kim, Cathy, & Mario met at my house before heading over to the restaurant. My brother, his girlfriend, Glen, Elissa, & Zeke met us there. It was a great time, with lots of food, lots of drinks, and lots of laughs. :)

Afterwards, Kim, Cathy, Mario, & I came back to the house and had a bonfire in the firepit. I neglected to mention that we first stopped at the NH State Liquor store and picked up a few things, some plum wine, sake, and blueberry wine. Because I shared those 3 bottles with Mario, I can really only tell you what happened at the beginning of the night. :-p

All I really remember is a nice big fire, a full glass, and lots of talking. :) After that, who knows. According to Kim, I was walking into walls, giving her a look like it was her fault, and saying "That is why I don't drink wine!" Well, it really is why but I'm pretty sure she didn't deserve the look. ;) So Kim, Thank You for taking care of my drunken ass. I have your Xmas gift on order again. :) LOL Sorry about that...(I think - can't quite remember!!)

I vaguely remember puking my guts out and thinking that plum wine is a pretty color against a white background. *That* is why I don't drink wine! Anyway, I woke up at 5am on the couch and stumbled into bed for another 3 or 4 hours. Boy do I wish I could remember the other half of the night though.... According to Kim & Cathy, it was pretty fun!

Needless to say, I spent the next day recovering. :) I did some homework, took a nap, and watched the game. I don't think I did much of anything else. :) Oh wait, I redesigned my site! When I was looking for dragonfly pictures for my next tattoo (they're quite addictive!), I found the dragonfly graphic that I incorporated into the header. I just love it. :)

Today I cleaned up a bit - there were lots of little sticky spots all over the place. I'm very sure that it was me sloshing my drink all over the place. I can't remember doing that, but I wouldn't put it past me. :) I watched TV, did some more homework, and spent a lot of time with the pups. :)

This week is fairly quiet. I have dinner plans with my immediate family tomorrow night. I think that's it tho'. Cathy & I might go to Mario's show Saturday, but that's about it.

Overall it was a very good birthday! I just wish I could remember more of it!!

And *that* is why I don't drink wine! (the new saying for the year :-p )

D

Happy Birthday to me

I'm gonna play that Beatles song all day. :)

I got a call from my very, very good friend Mag this morning wishing me a happy birthday. Since she lives in Australia, it makes it extra special. :) She's coming to visit in February, which is so way cool! I haven't seen her in about 5 years or so. I can't freakin' wait!! I'm not sure she's going to love being at a flyball tourney for a day though. ;)

Today should be a pretty good day. :) I don't think I have anything huge planned - most of the birthday stuff is going on this weekend. :) That's what happens when you get older! No more spur of the moment, up until 4am crazy nights out. ;) Ah well - the creator knows I've had enough of those nights in my life. ;)

I had an observation yesterday and thought it was actually pretty cool, but I forgot what it was. I'll have to make a point of writing it down when I think of it next time. ;)

They say it's your birthday!! It's my birthday too yeah!

D

power

I hate people on power trips.

I have nothing else to say.

D

gotta get outta here...

For some reason Freddie has been snarking at Pacie far more than normal. So I'm going to work today! I'm so tired of hearing him bitch it's not even funny anymore. Boys. Stick with girls, they're much easier to work with and really only bitch when they're pissed. At that point they're usually kicking some one's ass, but a good leave it works. :)

Anyway, I watched a couple of movies yesterday and did a bunch of homework. I only have a couple of things left to do before the next week starts. :) Bonus. :)

I have no idea where I am with work stuff - I just don't remember. Today will be fun trying to figure it out. :)

I'm doing well, not in agony but can certainly tell something was done. I can't take anything but Tylenol for the next 3 months, which isn't a problem since I'm not big on taking pills in the first place. If I get a headache, my body usually just takes care of it on it's own. :)

I really don't have a hell of a lot to say! I guess I should stop procrastinating and get my ass in gear. :)

D

I survived...

I'm all about this new-fangled surgery. :) Nerve blocks so you don't feel a thing, no cutting or bloody messes to worry about, being awake the whole time, and getting ultrasound pictures of what's going on are pretty cool!

The nerve block has worn off now (I think the nap helped) and it doesn't hurt as much as it did before surgery - sweet! I will say that I'm not all that thrilled with the boot thing - I have to wear heels (ha! one heel really) just to even my stride. It'll be interesting, that's for sure. ;) I'll consider it successful if I don't fall on my ass more than a couple of times and hopefully not in public. :)

I haven't observed much today but that's probably due to me sleeping most of it. :) I'm about to watch yet another Johnny Depp movie (not sure which one) so I'm sure I'll have an observation after that. ;)

My cats are curled up in a yin yang pattern, each cleaning the other. It's really quite the sweet thing. :)

Ok, so I lived and hopefully I'll be better soon - it's just going to be a stupidly long month!!

D

rainy Monday

Before I forget, yesterday's observation was about music. I got a few Beatles CDs for Xmas, which I've been listening to non-stop. After singing along to 20+ songs, I started thinking about lyrics; specifically how many songs I could sing along to. How much brain space is taken by lyrics? Think about it, turn on your favorite station and see how many songs you can sing. Even stuff from childhood - I still know the Itsy Bitsy Spider, don't you? I can remember songs from 30 years ago, why can't I remember what I ate yesterday? Because my brain is filled with song lyrics. :) We only use a small percentage of our brain for critical thinking because the rest is just a big harddrive filled with songs!

The tourney on Saturday was good - just stupidly long. We seem to have at least one conversation that is weird, bizarre, or strange. This time, it was about the Swedish, holiday tradition of a goat that brought presents or beat you with a stick. This was apparently before Old Saint Nick came along. Hmmmm...a piece of coal or a beating, let me think. Every year they have a 30 foot goat made out of sticks they set up that "vandals" light on fire. Ummm.. ok. If I got beaten with a stick by a goat, I'd light the sucker on fire too. :)

Yesterday I visited Ellin. We went out for lunch and then watched Pirates of the Caribbean 2 while stuffing things into boards. I'd use the proper terminology but I don't know it. :) The boards are the green things that run machines - like in a computer - except these don't run a computer, they do something else. :) I enjoy it - it's like a puzzle or rolling up coins - mindless work that keeps your hands busy.

After that I helped get stuff ready for dinner, sat in front of the fire, and watched the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. It was a Johnny Depp day. :) Oh wait, every day is a Johnny Depp day! Yum. :)

Today I'm having the sound wave surgery thingy done. Fun.

I'll observe something later - I have to jet for this thingy. :)

D

tourney

Off to a tourney today. I have to stop at the store and pick up drinks as well as grab Steffi.

I did 10 miles on the bike last night and it felt good. :) I have to figure out a way to rig it so I can use it with whatever stupid boot I'll be tortured with for the next month.

My observation? It's been so warm flowers are getting confused! Go look, I'm sure you'll see things still alive, or new shoots, that shouldn't be around right now -- at least in New England. :)

Gotta go!

D

little bit of good news...

Freddie was cleared for flyball. Woohoo! So now I'll be bringing Freddie and Steffi to the tournament. I think Angelica will probably run Steffi. :)

Speaking of which, I'm gonna need a wake up call Paula. :) 5:30am or so if you don't mind. :) I'll probably pick up Steffi tonight so I don't have to wake Holly or Rob at 6:30am. TJ's probably up anyway tho'. I'll talk to Holly today. :)

I went over to Sue's for dinner and then went shopping - sans Neely. Sue needed some time away and I needed time with Sue without the baby. :) Don't get me wrong, I love the little bugger! But I'm used to my cousin and I being able to get up and go - do whatever we want, whenever we want. It's an adjustment to schedule stuff around feedings and diaper changes. I suppose I'll get used to it, but I don't have to like it! lol

Today is more of the same old same old. Work, lunch with the fellas, homework, blah, blah, blah. Move along, nothing exciting here. :)

My observation for the day? Once you hit a certain age, you should be banned from buying bright red lipstick. There are very few people that look good in true red lipstick and if you're over 70, that's doubly true. Part of me thinks if it makes you feel good, then go for it grandma. The other half is shaking my head thinking "that's just wrong!" My power of observation skills are clearly improving. :)

D

brrr...not.

It's supposed to be 57 degrees today. It's January 4th, I live on the New Hampshire border, and it's supposed to be 57 degrees today. Woohoo! I'm not sure if this is normally when my neighbor is snow blowing me out so I can see the street due to the feet of snow. But it's not normal for it to be this warm. Oh.... wait. It's New England - give it ten minutes and the weather will change.

According to experts, if global warming causes all the ice to melt we'll lose most of California and some of Florida and New York. From my viewpoint, I'm not sure that's such a bad thing if it causes it to be 57 degrees in January! The Californians can move up here. They're liberal, they'll fit right in. :)

My observation for the day? Global warming rocks. ;) Oh yeah, and I look like a troll in the morning. None of that movie star wake up looking perfect stuff for me. No-sir-ee-bob. Full fledged hair askew, eyes lopsided, pillow wrinkle imprints on my cheek troll. Nice visual to start your day, huh? :)

So I picked up the recumbent bike last night. I found it on Craigslist - I'm all about saving cash and don't have a problem with other people's stuff. In fact, I'm intrigued by other people's stuff, which is why I love to go yard sailing. Anyway, I save money and the family gets the space back in their house - good deal. :) It looks brand new, not a scratch on it. Works great. I even got the owner's manual - can't go wrong with that. :) I even think I'll be able to use it after surgery - although my hitler'esque doctor may disagree. Now I just need to get my lazy ass on it. :)

School starts today. I'm actually pretty excited as my next group of classes are all technical and not core academic (like math or english.) Dr. Mary is the professor, which is way cool by me! I've had her before for I-don't-remember-what. I do remember that we got along fabulously so I'm guessing my streak of A's is back. :) I seem to do better in the technical classes - go figure. My time will once again be limited, but that's ok. I'll be doing homework at the flyball tourney this weekend.

Speaking of flyball, I'm not bringing Freddie, but instead am bringing Steffi. I have a call into the vet to see when he's no longer contagious. It just kills me that I'm not running him this weekend! He'll be able to smell it on me when I get back and get all jealous. :( I'm hoping he's not contagious and I'll be able to bring him. Fingers crossed. :)

D

unreal...

Boston.com article

Can someone *PLEASE* tell me how same-sex marriage has negatively affected the constitution of marriage or any heterosexual married couple? Seriously. I'd really like to know! Are there any studies available that prove life now sucks because of it?

Romney - you're an ass.

D

ambitious thinking

...or crazy talk. You decide.

While driving to work this morning, I started thinking about New Year resolutions. Generally I don't make resolutions. If I feel strongly about changing something, I'm just gonna do it. I don't need no stinkin' year change to do it. That's my normal train of thought.

This morning I thought I would be different. Maybe I'd make a resolution. It must still count even if it's a couple of days later than the rest of the world, right? So then I pondered what to resolute on. Stop smoking? Well, it's been my plan (regardless of the countless times I've already tried to quit), to quit at 35. Studies have shown that the body can basically reverse all the damage caused by smoking if the person quits by 35. So, I'm quitting. In 9 days. Hmmm. You might not want to read this in 9 days - I can't guarantee I'm going to be pleasant. ;) Ok, so that's out since it's gonna happen anyway.

What else. Lose weight? Sure! I mean, who can't afford to lose a few pounds? Since I got kicked off the Nordic Trac, that hasn't really been happening. So sure, that could be it. But, again, I was already on the lookout for a recumbent bike (which I'm picking up tomorrow), so that was already in process.

What else? Well, I do curse like a truck driver. I could stop that... Heck, I'm sure the people around me would greatly appreciate that! But, I don't want to so I guess they're shit out of luck. ;)

Then something popped into my head. Observation. I could observe more. I could blog about what I observe. That would be cool! And it's not even that stupid! Most people go through life nose to the ground, caught up in how the latte shop down the street clearly doesn't add enough syrup and how that asshole cut them off this morning. The power of observation is, well, powerful. :)

So that's the plan. I'm still reticent to call it a resolution but whatever. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, etc., etc.

My observation today? I need to shave my cat's butt. Yup. I noticed that today. Don't you now feel complete? She has a big ol' knot near her butt that I need to shave off. Can't wait.

Yeah, maybe I should go back to blogging in the morning, huh? Maybe tomorrow's observation will be less nauseating. Probably not. :p

Yeah. I'm gonna go watch more of Leland. Those arms. Those tattoos. A good boy in a bad boy's body. heh Yum. :)

D

This one's for you Paula

'Cuz I know you've been waiting patiently. :) (Or not so patiently!) lol

Fingers crossed that this year is better than last!

I don't think I'd be able to handle totaling my car right before Xmas (technically the year before), getting evacuated from my house by boat, replacing every major system that makes a house a house, dealing with the insurance company for all of that, being woken up at 6:30am every morning (including Sunday) while they were building CVS, losing my girl to liver failure (...sniff...), *STILL* dealing with my back from the car accident 2 1/2 years ago, and finding out my boys have Lepto.

Oh yeah. Good year. 2007 *has* to be better!

Of course I did get the pool last year so that was a good thing. Oh yeah, I think I got Pacie last year too. Hmmm, not sure which category *that* should go in! Kidding! (kinda...)

The holidays were great and I was really busy traveling around the world. Sue brought the baby on Xmas Eve and she got a few pictures of Mema holding Neely. I'm hoping there are many more photo ops so fingers crossed (again.)

I was *exhausted* after Xmas but I was a trooper and went into work. That only lasted for 2 days tho'. I worked from home on Thursday and had Friday off for a 5 day weekend. Swweeeet. :)

I went out to dinner with all the girls on New Years Eve and laughed so much I almost pissed my pants. :) There's no way you can be out with them and not laugh your ass off - it's too freakin' comical. We did get quite a number of dirty looks from other, older patrons even though we were tucked into the corner, away from the general population. ;)

I was going to sit in front of the fire pit but it was wet and cold out and we all know how well I do with the cold. :) So I went to bed around 10:30 and read for a while. However I was aware of when the years changed. My friend from North Carolina sent me a text message wishing me a HNY. Eric will you knock that shit off? You woke me up! Shortly afterwards the dogs started barking - apparently they were less than pleased by the fireworks they heard.

Today I went out once, to get coffee and a bagel, and haven't left the house since. :) Now that's my kind of relaxing day! I only wish I had a fireplace here....sigh. It's non-negotiable with the next house. Seriously.

But, I got a bunch done in between being a lazy shit. :) Laundry is done, dishes are done, some of the Xmas presents are put away (not the tree tho', I'm not ready to give up the lights :) ), I made soup for lunch (from scratch - you know you're jealous), got the Pins bathed, and got all the dogs nails dremeled. Not too shabby....

Needless to say, I'm actually ready to go back to work feeling wonderfully refreshed and optimistic. :) I'm sure they'll crush that out of me in the first week, but it will be nice while it lasts.

School starts back up this week - the 4th I think. I got my transcript from school and my gpa went down to a 3.97. I'm no longer smart, I'm just smaht. Ah well. :) I should really figure out which class is next so I can get my shit together now.

I've decided to pull Freddie from the tourney this weekend. He's been responding well to treatment and as long as he doesn't pee in water that other dogs can drink, he's fine. He's not even contagious if dogs drink out of the same water bowl. But where there are a ton of dogs there, I'd rather not take the chance. He has Lepto, which the vet and I think he got from flood water coming back up during the heavy August rains we had. The good news is that he will eventually be cured. The bad news is that we won't ever know how much damage his kidney will have sustained by the time he is cured.

And finally, I'm on the hunt for a recumbent bike. If anyone has one gathering dust in the attic, feel free to let me know. :) The foot dr told me I couldn't go for walks anymore or use my Nordic Trac. So I'm looking for a recumbent. I'm seriously hoping she'll recant those instructions after the shockwave treatment. I think that's January 8th. I can't keep track of all this crap. :)

Ok, time for bed. Don't look for me in the morning as I'm sure I'll wake up late. Again. Like always.

D